But I am just a mere high school student.

There are some nights where I wallow in self-pity and self-loathe via Netflix binge watching and stress eating. Tonight is not one of those nights.

The past weekend has been emotionally exhausting. Everything that could have happened, happened, and everything seemed to break down at once. However, this weekend, I discovered one of the most alluring quotes.

"For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth."

I have repeated it to myself probably over fifty times now, and I have spread it on social networking sites, texted it to my friends, and even made a cute little virtual poster of it. Something about that quote really resonates with me, and I cannot shake the idea that I am a star. I don't mean I am the undiscovered actress Hollywood has been waiting for, and I definitely don't mean that I'm the little gold sticker that I would've walked on hot coals for in first grade. Rather that, but I have grown accustomed to a hollow feeling in my chest. I stand and walk and prance and trip and yet, I feel empty inside. Sometimes, I even feel weeds growing around my rib cage. Sometimes, I'm convinced that if someone picks me up and shakes me around, they'll hear the remnants of petals and thorns rattle around my vacant heart. I am a star because I am made of millions of interconnected little particles, floating and radiating in a chamber of gas. I am a star because I am one of billions in one galaxy. I am a star because while I may feel like I am bright, shining, and captivating creation, I know I will burn out one day, and then I will be darkness.

There have been plenty of times in life where I've felt like I've made a difference. I've held the hands of countless individuals as they faced dauntless tasks. I've volunteered for hundred of hours at community service projects. I've educated peers and friends on politics and social justice topics. I've donated money for natural disaster projects, and I've sent funds to children without the opportunity to pursue a formal education, yet I am not satisfied. I am overwhelmingly irrelevant and disgustingly insignificant.

Everyday, I feel as if I come upon another corrupt institution in society. As a high school student, I am surrounded by the depravity that correlates with the American education system. I can see the essence of learning turn to regurgitation and memorization, all for the sake of standardized testing. I can see the arts wilting away at the power and spectre of STEM careers, and I can feel the passion of gaining knowledge draining to reveal an empty well of pure apathy. As a product of the dichotomous partisan politics platform, I can see the ignorance that coincides with identifying with a party; I can feel the tension that exists with introductions of Republican, Democrat, Socialist, anything-different-than-what-you-believe-in parties. I can see the next generation falsifying facts and statistics because the youth is uneducated yet unashamed. I can see the patriarchal society hardening its grips around a more socially aware female population. I can see the cult of domesticity deteriorating in seriousness and morphing around comedy and mockery. I can see the ghastly faces of men as women all around the world are climbing economic ladders and making names for themselves; I can see the uselessness of such awe because women were always capable of such ordeals.

And that's just the beginning. I consider myself involved in the social justice plight. Although I am rather liberal in my beliefs, I want to avoid political connotations with my beliefs because they are just that: my beliefs. I had long formed them before I became involved in politics. I had long determined that I would not mind if two guys or two girls decided to get married. I had long determined that a woman has authority and power over her own body. I had long determined that society has created an atmosphere where women must live in constant fear and paranoia. I had long determined that guns would never be exiled in America, but stricter gun control should never be out of the picture. And I am still determining many, many things. And that's okay because I am just a mere high school student. Maybe it's a crutch or an excuse or reasoning to hide behind, but I cannot possibly make a difference as a high school student. I have begun to recognize the corruption that bleeds into the nation -- education, government, religion, culture, social class, economy, everything, yet I can't do anything to steadily make a palpable difference because I don't have any authority or power. Because everything is "too" corrupted already, whatever the hell that means.

But because of my status as a peon of a human, I am not capable of making a difference on a global, an international level. I am not capable of instigating a revolution, as gloriously brilliant as it may be. I seem to only be capable of indulging in a constant state of frustration and irritation. Several epiphanies later, I cannot seem to fathom all my thoughts, all my musings, all my criticisms. But there is one thing that is clear to me: the youth of today is the future of tomorrow, yet we are not given power nor control over anything. As the youth, I am a part of a revolution in and of itself. I am a part of Generation Y, of the "Me" Generation, of the technology era; however, I am only given a plastic toy sword and told to swing as fiercely and boldly as possible. How does that impact anyone? I am part of the youth, and I want to be the glue that fixes society. I want to be the band aid that mends the wounds of the feminist party, the partisan platforms, the wealth gap, the educational gap. I want to be the vaccination that prevents any further outbreak of misery. But I am just a mere high school student, and I've been unknowingly thrown into the alcohol that keeps the fire burning. I am a part of the educational system I am so blatantly against. I am easily identified as one specific partisan party. I am so black and white on topics, and I am subtly brainwashed into believing so many ideologies. So how can I find the solution when I'm a part of the problem?

Rebel, reform, reconstruct? I do not know yet. I do not know many things because the unknown is frightening and terrifying, but I do know one thing: I am just a mere high school student, and while I may not be able to rally millions behind a common goal, I will write and write until my ink becomes the fire that so gallantly fights against the hands of oppression and corruption.