I am clean.

It's been forty minutes. I've spent the past forty minutes attempting to honor Maya Angelou, but the truth is, I cannot. I cannot fathom the words to describe her literary influence, her social justice activism, her all-around talent. I cannot weave together the right sentences to form a post to do her justice. 

As a ten year old, I was not yet introduced to an attitude of cynicism and skepticism. I was innocent and youthful, not yet aware of all the issues within society. My biggest problem was my broken crayons, and the worst drama I was involved in revolved around a Girl Scout Cookie scandal. I read chapter books from the "big kid section" in bookstores, and I was obviously a grown woman with my double-digit age. My goal was to eat the most slices of pizza and draw the prettiest picture with chalk. I did my homework and practiced my piano. My childhood was lovely -- it was filled with things the stereotypical American-Chinese daughter is known to do, and it had a wonderful balance between fun and work. 

I was ten years old when I first read one of Maya Angelou's poems. It told a story of a caged bird -- one that had its wings clipped and feet tied. It told the story of a bird, singing for freedom and standing on the grave of dreams. When I was ten years old, I told myself that we are all caged birds; we all dream of the day when the bars of rage melt into the open sky as we leap into the wind. I was ten years old when I was introduced into a whole new world. 

I am sixteen years old, and I am now rereading the story of the caged bird. Heart pounding and goosebumps forming, I look back onto the past six years of my life. I don't think I've had an exceptionally exciting or unique life; if anything, my life measures pretty average and mediocre, but it'd be a lie to say I haven't had some memorable experiences. But all in all, these past six years are a blur. I have been the caged bird, dreaming of the breeze and the sighing trees. There have been times when I hear my fearful trill, longing for a better tomorrow. I have felt isolated, in captivity, but today, my cage has dissipated into the atmosphere, and I am a free bird. 

Maya Angelou is one of the most influential people in my life, and her passing has affected me in ways I don't quite understand. I'm overcome with a feeling of inevitable sadness, but most of all, I feel clean. Not that I don't shower every day and wash my hands as much as possible, but my soul has been stained by anxiety and angst. My bones have become tangled by the barbed wire of anger, and my blood has formed waves of ferocity, but today, everything is different. I am clean.

"And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our sense, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed." - Maya Angelou

I can be better. I can do more. I can be more. 

"I created myself," she once said. "I have taught myself so much". 

Maya Angelou, you have done so much more than just teach yourself. You have be the guidance of millions as they struggle through their lives. You have been the watering hole for those fainting under the heat of prejudice. You have created yourself, but you have also created a more conscious future. You have taught me to create myself. 

As I read the multitude of articles that spread throughout social networking sites, I am reminded of all the exceptional things Maya Angelou accomplished. On top of her literary achievements, she was also a professor, a singer, a dancer, an activist, and an actress. She was whoever she wanted to be, and I find solace in knowing that. She spent her life overcoming her obstacles, staring adversity in the face and standing her ground. She fought for women's rights, for Civil Rights, for human rights. She worked to make the world a better place, and even after today, her actions have been ingrained into humanity. She taught me to be proud of who I am. She taught me to teach others to believe the same thing. She spread a blanket of unification and purity throughout the world, and her legacy will pulse for generations to come. 

As the tears are streaming down my face, I can feel myself wearily smiling. Maya Angelou is truly one of the most amazing people to grace this world, and she will most definitely be remembered. There's no possible way I can do her justice through a mere blog post, but I will honor her through my life. I will do good everywhere and anywhere. I will embrace myself, my friends, my family. I will live passionately. I will adjust myself accordingly. I will live a life strung together by my experiences. I will open the cages of those trapped. 

Rest in peace.